Quotes
Season One • Season Two • Season Three • Season Four • Season Five • Season Six • Season Seven Cut Quotes
Season One
Xander: Well, you're certainly a font of nothing!
Welcome to the Hellmouth
Xander: Very suave. Very not pathetic.
Welcome to the Hellmouth
Not a lot happens at a one-Starbuck's town like Sunnydale.
Welcome to the Hellmouth
Xander: Willow! You're so very much the person I wanted to see. You know, I kind of had a problem with the math?
Willow: Which part?
Xander: The math.
Welcome to the Hellmouth
Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good.
The Harvest
Okay, this is where I have a problem, see, because we're talking about vampires. We're having a talk with vampires in it.
The Harvest
This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life is like, uh-oh, pop-quiz. Today it's rain of toads.
The Harvest
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
Witch
For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.
Witch
Buffy: You're my Xander-shaped friend!
Witch
It was wrong to meddle with the forces of Darkness, and I see that now.
Witch
We're a team! Aren't we a team?
Witch
Not to state the obvious, but this looks like a job for Buffy.
Never Kill a Boy On the First Date
He'll be fine. He's like Superlibrarian. Everyone forgets, Willow, that knowledge is the ultimate weapon.
Never Kill a Boy On the First Date
Xander: Has anyone given any thought to what this green stuff is?
Buffy: I'm avoiding the subject.
Xander: I think it's kale. Or possibly string cheese.
Never Kill a Boy On the First Date
It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
Teacher's Pet
Can I just say one thing? HEEEELLLLP! HEEEELLLLP!
Teacher's Pet
Oh, this is fun. We're on Monster Island.
Teacher's Pet
Buffy, this is not about looking at a bunch of animals. This is about not being in class.
The Pack
I ate a pig? Was he cooked and called bacon or... oh, my God. Ate a pig. I mean, the whole trichinosis issue aside, yuck.
The Pack
Angel's a vampire. You're a Slayer. I think it's obvious what you have to do.
Angel
I don't know what everyone's talking about; that outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker.
Angel
To read makes our speaking English good.
I Robot, You Jane
I, I can't! I have my pride! Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this!
The Puppet Show
I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party!
Nightmares
Someone else's loss is my chocolaty goodness.
Nightmares
Hellmouth. Center of mystical convergence, supernatural monsters. Been there.
Nightmares
I'm sorry, I'm unruffled by spiders. Now, if a bunch of Nazis crawled across my face...
Nightmares
I'd give anything to be able to turn invisible - but I wouldn't use my power to beat people up. I'd use my power to protect the girls' locker room.
Out of Mind, Out of Sight
Calm may work for Locutus of Borg here, but I'm freaked and I intend to stay that way.
Prophecy Girl
Hey, Willow's not looking to date you. Or, if she is, she's playing it pretty close to the chest.
Prophecy Girl
You know, Buffy, Spring Fling isn't just any dance. It's a time when students all sort of choose a mater, and, and we can observe their mating ritual and tag them before they migrate. Just kill me.
Prophecy Girl
I don't handle rejection well. Funny, considering how much practice I've had.
Prophecy Girl
Season Two
Buffy: Willow, grow up. Not everything is about kissing.
Xander: Yeah. Some stuff is about groping.
When She Was Bad
We're still the undead's favorite party town.
When She Was Bad
I mock you with my ice cream cone, Amish Guy...
When She Was Bad
Ms Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket; she already knows you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her...
Some Assembly Required
What he lacks in smarts, he makes up for in lack of smarts.
Inca Mummy Girl
Ampata: You are strange.
Xander: Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away.
Inca Mummy Girl
It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake, stuffed with a delightful white creamy substance of goodness. And here's how you eat it... Good, huh? And the exciting part is, they have no ingredients that a human can pronounce. So it doesn't leave you with that heavy food feeling in your stomach.
Inca Mummy Girl
I am from the country of Leone. It's in Italy, pretending to be Montana.
Inca Mummy Girl
Ooh, Sunnydale bus depot. Classy. What better way to introduce someone to our country than with the stench of urine.
Inca Mummy Girl
Typical museum trick. Promise human sacrifice, deliver old pots and pans.
Inca Mummy Girl
Willow: It's a celebration of cultures. There's lots of dress-up alternatives.
Xander: And a corresponding equal number of mocking alternatives, all aimed at me.
Willow: Bavarians are cool.
Xander: No hats with feathers, no ruffled shirts, and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat.
Inca Mummy Girl
Xander: I think the exchange student program is cool. I do. It's the beautiful melding of two cultures.
Buffy: Have you ever done an exchange program?
Xander: My dad tried to sell me to some Armenians once, does that count?
Inca Mummy Girl
Okay. On sleazing extra candy. Tears are key. Tears'll usually get you a double-bagger. You can also try the old 'you missed me' routing - but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate. Understood?
Halloween
Buffy. My Lady of Buffdom. The duchess of Buffonia. I am in awe. I completely renounce spandex.
Halloween
Those wacky vampires. That's what I love about them. They just keep you guessing.
Halloween
Xander: Aw, you just need cheering up. And I know just the thing. Crazed dance party at the Bronze!
Buffy: I don't know.
Xander: Very calm dance party at the Bronze... Moping at the Bronze.
Lie To Me
Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing something wrong, I need to know. 'Cause it gives me a happy.
Lie To Me
Willow: The Lonely Ones?
Angel: Vampires.
Xander: Oh. We usually call them nasty, pointy, bite-y ones.
Lie To Me
Buffy: Xander, how do you feel about rifling through Giles' personal files, see if you can shed some light?
Xander: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?
The Dark Age
A bonus day of class, plus Cordelia! Mix in a little bit of rectal surgery and it's my best day ever.
The Dark Age
Ho-Ho's are a vital part of my cognitive process.
What's My Line, Part 1
It's a satistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old to unplug a telephone.
What's My Line, Part 1
So you're a slayer, huh? I like that in a woman.
What's My Line, Part 2
Buffy: You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that?
Xander: But this dude was different than the praying mantis lady. He was a man of bugs. Not a man who was a bug.
What's My Line, Part 2
Another Slayer? I knew this 'I'm the only one, I'm the only one' thing was just an attention-getter.
What's My Line, Part 2
Yep. Vampires are real. lot of 'em live in Sunnydale. Willow'll fill you in.
Surprise
I'm seveteen, looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex.
Surprise
Ready to get down, you funky party weasel?
Surprise
You could have just gone, 'Shhh.' Are all you Brits such drama queens?
Surprise
Know what? 'Nuff said. Forget it. Must have been my multiple-personality guy talking. I call him Idiot Jed, Glutton for punishment.
Surprise
Giles: [The Judge]'s touch can literally burn the humanity out of you. A true creature of evil can survive the process. No human ever has.
Xander: So what's the problem? We send Cordy to fight this guys and we go for pizza.
Surprise
Wow, wow, I think I'm having a thought. And now I'm having a plan. (the lights go out.) And now I'm having a wiggins.
Innocence
Cordelia: I'd say we're hit bottom.
Xander: I have a plan.
Cordelia: Oh, no, here's a lower place.
Innocence
Buffy! I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming on...
Innocence
On behalf of my gender: Hey!
Phases
Giles: A full moon tends to bring out our darkest qualities.
Xander: Yet, ironically, also led to the invention of the moon pie.
Phases
If it weren't for you, people would be lined up five deep waiting to get themselves buried. Willow would be Robbie the Robot's love slave, I wouldn't even have a head, and Theresa's a vampire.
Phases
I just don't trust Oz with her. He's a senior, he's attractive. Okay, maybe not to me, but... oh, and he's in a band. We all know what element that kind attracts.
Phases
I do not babble. I occassionally run-on. And every now and then I yammer...
Phases
Oh, no, my life's not too complicated.
Phases
That's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed.
Ted
Buffy: Slaying is a tad more perilous than dating.
Xander: Obviously, you're not dating Cordelia.
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
That's it. This has gotta stop. It's time for me to act like a man. And hide.
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
Drusilla: Your face is a poem. I can read it.
Xander: Really? It's doesn't say spare me, but any chance?
Drusilla: Shhhh. How do you feel about eternal life?
Xander: We couldn't just start with a coffee? A movie, maybe?
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
Xander: I have a plan. We use meas bait.
Buffy: You mean, make Angel come after you?
Xander: No, I mean chop me into little pieces and stick me on hooks fpr fish to nibble at, 'cause that would be more fun than my life.
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
If Giles wants to go after the fiend that killed his girlfriend, I say, Faster, pussycat, kill, kill!
Passion
Yep. Now you're doomed to having to give him and his vampire pals a lift whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas.
Passion
Man, Buffy. My whole life just flashed before my eyes. I've got to get me a life.
Killed By Death
If he asks you to play chess, don't even do it. Guy's like a whiz.
Killed By Death
Xander: You don't know how to kill this thing?
Buffy: I thought I might try violence.
Xander: Solid call.
Killed By Death
Willow: Oh, I'm good with medical stuff. Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have these medical volumes and diagnose me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Killed By Death
That is wrong. Big, fat, spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us that studied hard and worked long hours to earn our D's
Go Fish
Swin team. Hardly what I call a team. The Yankees. Abbott and Costello. The A. Those were teams
Go Fish
Cavalry here's; cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but it's here.
Becoming, Part 2
Come on, Will... Look, you don't have a choice here, you gotta wake up. I need you, Will. How am I going to pass trig? Who am I gonna cal every night to talk about what we did all day. You're my best friend, you've always... I love you.
Becoming, Part 2
Season Three
You don't hide! You're bait! Go act baity!
Anne
I was always amazed by the way Buffy fought, but... in a way I think we all took her punning for granted.
Anne
Check it out. The Watcher is back on the clock. And just when you were thinking career change. Maybe becomung a Looker, or a seer.
Dead Man's Party
Generally speaking? When the scary things get scared? Not good.
Dead Man's Party
They should film that story and show it every Christmas.
Faith, Hope & Trick
They say young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid.
Faith, Hope & Trick
It's a clothes fluke, and that's what it is, and there'll be no more fluking.
Homecoming
Let's put our heads together. One of us is pretty darn smartand I'm... just in hell. I thought being a senior - at last - and having a girlfriend - at last - would be a good thing.
Homecoming
I don't get this. The candy's supposed to make you all immature and stuff, but I ate a ton and I don't feel any dif... Never mind.
Band Candy
Look at her. Tears of a clown, baby.
The Wish
Must be the whole Angel-killed-his-girlfriend-and-tortured-him thing. Giles is really petty about stuff like that.
Amends
I don't know about you, but I'm going to trade my cow in for some beans. No one else is seeing the funny here?
Gingerbread
Xander: Maybe we're on the wrong track with the spells, curses and whammies. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like Slayer kryptonite.
Oz: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.
Xander: You're assuming I meant green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to red kryptonite, which drains Superman of his powers.
Oz: Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. Red kryptonite's the one that mutates Superman into some sort of weird...
Buffy: Guys... Reality
Helpless
Being blowed up isn't walking around and driking with your buddies dead. It's little bits swept up by the janitor dead, and I don't think you're ready for that.
The Zeppo
It's just, um, I've never been up with people... before...
The Zeppo
Hello, Nasty!
The Zeppo
Jack: What are you, retarded?
Xander: No! I mean I had to do that test when I was seven, a little slow in some stuff, mostly math and spacial relations, but certainly not 'challenged' or anything.
The Zeppo
Excuse me: who, at the crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?
The Zeppo
Harvard, Yale, Wesleyan, some German Polytechnical Institute whose name I can't pronounce... Is anyone else intimidated? Because I'm just expecting paper-thin slips with the words 'no way' written on them in crayon.
Bad Girls
I won't waste the perfect comeback on you, but don't think I don't have it. Oh, yes, it's time will come.
Bad Girls
He's looking at her. He's got his filthy, Pierce Brosnan-y eyeballs all over my Cordy.
Earshot
One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which.
Choices
Willow: Hey, I eat danger for breakfast.
Xander: But oddly enough she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
Choices
Xander: The Mayor's going to kill us all during graduation.
Cordelia: Oh. Are you gonna go to fifth period?
Xander: I'm thinking I might skip it.
Graduation Day, Part 1
We're going to need a bigger boat.
Graduation Day, Part 1
Cordelia: I demand an explanation.
Xander: For what?
Cordelia: Wesley!
Xander: Um... inbreeding?
Graduation Day, Part 2
Aren't you supposed to be drinking tea, anyway?
Graduation Day, Part 2
Season Four
Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life. Faced some scary things, amoung them the kitchen of the fabulous Ladies' Night Club. Let me tell you something. When it's dark and I'm all alone, and I'm scared of freaked out or whatever, I always think: What would Buffy do? You're my hero.
The Freshman
Nobody really bothered me or even spoke to me there until one night one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this Earth will make me tell you the rest of that story.
The Freshman
And nothing says thank you like dollars in the waistband.
The Freshman
Some friends of Buffy's played a funny joke. They took her stuff, and now she wants us to help get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans.
The Freshman
Hate leads to anger... no, wait... Fear leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side.
The Freshman
Avengers assemble!
The Freshman
That's because he got hit by the Buffinator.
Living Conditions
Xander: I don't get your crazy system.
Giles: My system? It's called the alphabet.
The Harsh Light of Day
Sensing a disturbance in the Force, Master?
Fear, Itself
Xander: You'll need a costume.
Anya: A costume?
Xander: Dress up. You know, something scary.
Anya: Scary. Scary how?
Xander: Anya, you - ex-demon - terrorised mankind for centuries. I'm sure you'll come up with something.
Fear, Itself
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why? Can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it's just... tacky.
Fear, Itself
Xander: And was there a lesson in all this? What have we learned about beer?
Buffy: Foamy.
Beer Bad
Uh, how much beer would you say a person would need to consume before they started seriously questing for fire?
Beer Bad
I've seen Cocktail. I can do the hippy-hippy shake.
Beer Bad
Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-and-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove.
Beer Bad
Buffy: Anybody remember when Buffy had a fun beer fest and went One Million Years BC?
Xander: Sadly, without the fuzzy bikini.
Something Blue
Willow: I think he thought we were crazy.
Xander: Maybe Anya shouldn't have opened the conversation with 'Everybody got both ears?'
Pangs
Hey! Gentle Ben! Over here!
Pangs
Buffy: It wasn't exactly a perfect Thanksgiving.
Xander: I don't know. It kinda seemed right to me. A bunch of anticipation, a big fight, and now we're all sleepy.
Pangs
Wild monkey love or tender Sarah McLachlan love?
Wild At Heart
Anya: This isn't a relationship. You don't need me! All you care about is lots or orgasms.
Xander: Okay, remember when we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends.
Hush
I happen to be very biteable, pal. I'm moist and delicious.
Hush
Well demons got some hilarious ideas about fun...
Doomed
Xander: You were trying to stake yourself!
Spike: Fag off. It's no concern of yours.
Xander: Is too. For one thing, that's my shirt you're about to dust. And for another, we've shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you.
Doomed
I'm guessing mad scientist isn't too keen on the fact that the entire Scooby Gang knows the Initiative is up to no good.
Goodbye Iowa
I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley, too?
Goodbye, Iowa
Been there, tried that. Not unlike smothering a forest fire with napalm, as I recall.
This Year's Girl
We're dumb.
This Year's Girl
It's called a 'Blaster', Will. A word that tends to discourage experimentation. Now, if it was called the 'Orgasminator', I's be the first to try your basic button-press approach.
This Year's Girl
I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way pursuing homicidal lunatic.
This Year's Girl
We're fresh out of super-people and somebody's got to go back in there. Now who's with me.
Where The Wild Things Are
Just because you're better than us doesn't mean you can be all superior.
The Yoko Factor
Oh, okay. You and Will go do the superpower thing. I'll stay behind and putter around the batcave with crusty old Alfred here.
The Yoko Factor
This is so like them. It's all about them and college life. You know what college is? It's high school without the actual going to class. Well, high school was sort of like that, too...
The Yoko Factor
Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell... and then I do a spell by myself.
Restless
Xander: I move pretty fast. You know, a man's always after...
Joyce: Conquest?
Xander: I'm a conquistador.
Joyce: What about comfort?
Xander: I'm a confortador, also.
Restless
Xander: Dinner is served! My very own recipe.
Willow: You pushed the button on the microwave marked 'popcorn'?
Xander: Actually, I pushed 'defrost'. But Joyce was there in the clinch.
Restless
Season Five
And where'd you get that accent? Sesame Street? One, Two, Three... three victims! Maw ha ha.
Buffy vs. Dracula
You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick being the guy who eats the insects and gets the funny syphilis! As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey.
Buffy vs. Dracula
Here come da judge.
Real Me
Back in the Fortress of Solitude.
Real Me
I do have SpaghettiOs.
The Replacement
There comes a point where you either move on or you just buy yourself a Klingon costume and go with it.
The Replacement
Every Christmas we watch Charlie Brown together and I do the Snoopy dance.
The Replacement
Take me life, please.
The Replacement
Kill us both, Spock.
The Replacement
Not unless you want my collection of Babylon 5 plates.
The Replacement
Got two entrances, lotta opportunities for bawdy French farce.
Family
Xander: Just once I'd like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.
Anya: Great. Thank you very much for those nightmares.
Shadow
Yep, Captain America blowed it up real good.
Shadow
Look how teeny Mercury is compared to, like, Saturn. Whereas in contrast the cars of the same name...
Listening to Fear
Xander: You know, she's, uh, she's kinda got a crush on me.
Giles: Your point being?
Xander: well, no, nothing. I'm just saying, powerful being, big important energy gal, diggin' the Xan-man. Some guys are just cooler, ya know.
Blood Ties
A crazy hellgod? And the fun just keeps on leaving.
Blood Ties
I've gotta say something, 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully... painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move... I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man. I just thought you might wanna know.
Into The Woods
The chimp playing hockey? Is that based on the Chekhov?
Into The Woods
Only in an erotic, Penthouse-y way.
Into The Woods
She got all Rambo and torched the place.
Into The Woods
Dependable? What is he, State Farm?
Into The Woods
Hey, Evil Dead.
Crush
Listen, Bleach Boy.
Crush
And you should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer... Actually, that's pretty good advice.
Crush
Willow: I'm gonna stop by my mom's first. Been doing that a lot lately.
Xander: Yeah, I thought maybe I'd stop by your mom's too... Well I'm not going to my house. Those people are scary.
Forever
You said they were kinda like Hobbits with leprosy.
Intervention
Yes! You are a monster. Vampires are monsters! They make monster movies about them!
Intervention
You're going to be Undead Man Walking.
Spiral
Season Six
Yep. We got trouble. Right here in Hellmouth City.
Bargaining, Part 2
And our very own Robo-Buffy led them right to us.
Bargaining, Part 2
A little tape... a bad o'Krazy Clue.
Bargaining, Part 2
And how long have you known your girlfriend was Tinkerbell?
Bargaining, Part 2
No doubt to lead the Wild Bunch to us again.
Bargaining, Part 2
Couldn't you program her to find the nearest Radio Shack?
Bargaining, Part 2
I happen to be a very powerful man-witch myself.
Bargaining, Part 2
I've done a lot of fleeing through these mean streets.
Afterlife
She'll be our little Bufferin again.
Afterlife
Like we sould start gathering up two of every animal.
Flooded
Action is his reward.
Flooded
Respect the cruller. And tame the donut.
Once More With Feeling
Sorry, I just got back the memory of seeing King Ralph.
Tabula Rasa
Dawn: Buffy's never gonna be a lawyer. Or a doctor. Anthing big.
Xander: She's the Slayer. She saves the world. That's way bigger.
Doublemeat Palace
Man, a nerd goes into hiding, he really goes into hiding. Upside of spending all that time shoved inside a locker... Not that I would know.
Older and Far Away
Honey, slugs get turned off by slug.
Older and Far Away
Buffy: It'll fit.
Xander: Aw, man. What if it doesn't? What if I can't wear my cummerbund and the whole world can see the place where my pants meet my shirt? That can't happen, Buffy! I must wear das cummerbund!
Hell's Bells
Come on! That's ridiculous! What, you think this isn't real just 'cause of all the vampires and the demons and the ex-vengeance demons and the sister tht used to be a ball of universe-destroying energy...? Well, I'm real.
Normal Again
Okay... you had to do it because he was there. Like Mt. Everest.
Entropy
Xander: I hurt you, so you get back? Very mature.
Anya: No, the mature solution is to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes so no one will notice you're just a scared, insecure little boy.
Entropy
Chicken of the Sea here's not doing too good with the women these days.
Seeing Red
It's Klingon. They're love poems... which has nothing to do with the insidious scheme you're about to describe.
Seeing Red
Be careful. Warren's gone all Mighty Mouse. Emphasis on the might.
Seeing Red
You've got to stop doing this. This dying thing is funny once, maybe twice...
Villains
Fine! Fine! Puppet Master wants to drive? Go right ahead!
Villains
We both know things may get ugly at Wiccapalooza.
Two To Go
Hey, black-eyed girl.
Grave
Well, I was going to walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but it seemed kind of cartoony.
Grave
Xander: The first day of kindergarten you cried because you broke the yellow crayon and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion, but the thing is, yeah, I love you. I loved crayon-breaking Willow and I love scary veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. If you wanna kill the world, well then start with me. I've earned that.
Willow: You think I won't.
Xander: It doesn't matter. I'll still love you.
Grave
You're not the only one with powers, you know. You may be a hopped-up über-witch, but this carpenter can dry-wall you into the next century.
Grave
Season Seven
Ah, being popular isn't that great, or so I've read in books.
Lessons
I forgot high school's unwritten rules of hallway etiquette. Of course, no one ever explained them to me; they'd just stuff me in a locker till I drew my own conclusions.
Beneath You
Sunnydale: Come for the food, stay for the dismemberment.
Beneath You
I saved the world with talking! From my mouth. My mouth saved the world!
Same Time, Same Place
From beneath you it devours... It's not the friendliest jingle, is it? It's no 'I like Ike' or 'Milk, it does a body good.'
Help
Willow: Have you Googled her?
Xander: Willow! She's seventeen!
Willow: It's a search engine.
Help
Fine. Invite you in. Nimrod.
Him
Figure it out in a cold, impersonal CSI-like manner. 'Cause we're a couple of carpet fibers away from a case.
Sleeper
Cool as Cool Whip.
Sleeper
But it'll be fun. No, wait. I mean it'll get us killed.
Sleeper
I wish Sleeping Ugly would come to.
Bring On The Night
You're saying M. Night Shamyalan lied to us?
Bring On The Night
The vampire that time forgot?
Showtime
Rona: Um... why's that guy tied to a chair?
Xander: The question you'll soon be asking is why isn't he gagged?
Showtime
Xander: They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie. To be the one who isn't chosen; to live near the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realises, because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night, I see you working here today... You're extraordinary.
Dawn: Maybe that's your power.
Xander: What?
Dawn: Seeing. Knowing.
Xander: Maybe it is... Maybe I should get a cape.
Potential
Say Skywalker and I smack you.
Potential
Did you hatch out of a praying mantis egg in the old high school?
First Date
Anya: I provide... much need... sarcasm.
Xander: Uh, that'd be my job, actually.
Get It Done
That's it! The First hates puppets. Now, if we can airlift Kermit, Fozzie the Bear and Miss Piggy into town, the First'll be a-runnin'.
Get It Done
Here's a handy rule: Don't waste your time with flashy tentacles just 'cause they're waving around trying to get attention. Go for the center - brain, heart, eyes. Everything's got eyes.
Dirty Girls
No on will ever make me watch Jaws 3-D again.
Empty Places
I mean, give me an 'eye of the beholder' joke or an 'eye for an eye' joke or maybe even a postmodern I, Claudius joke.
End of Days
If you die, I'll just bring you back to life. That's what I do.
End of Days
Party in my eye socket and everyone's invited!... Sometimes I should just not say words.
Chosen
Cut Quotes
Xander: You're got a killer streak I've never seen before. Hope I'll never cross you.
Willow: I do too. Then I'd have to carve you up into little pieces.
Witch
Okay, some people are jealous that they can't burp the alphabet.
The Puppet Show
Okay, depsite the rat-like chill that just crawled up my spine, I'm going to say this very calmly: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllpppp...
Nightmares
Xander: It's all my fault.
Giles: What makes you say that?
Xander: I don't know. Statistical probability.
Doppelgangland
Guys, we blew up the school! It's the best day ever!
Graduation Day, Part 2
This is just, I'd say out of nowhere, but that doesn't really capture the amount of nowhere which it's out of.
The Harsh Light of Day
So... you're my first guest at Casa del Xander... not the final name, still working on it.
The Harsh Light of Day
Love. It's a logic blocker.
Wild At Heart
Look at you. You have knees! Very white knees!
Doomed
We were all going to yell 'good luck on the new job', but we don't have the kind of timing that kind of thins requires.
Doublemeat Palace